Currently Listening Love in the Time of Science By Emiliana Torrini see related

kairotic moment

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed. --Albert Einstein

I was seventeen—fall of my junior year of high school. That age where you feel like an adult but are not yet accepted as such. The age where you feel like you know everything and could take on the entire world but cannot possibly fathom that this illusion will soon fade into adulthood and learning how little you actually know. My teacher introduced himself authoritatively as Dr. Mills. He proceeded to explain that this was not the class about “fluffy little bunnies” and we would not be treated as such—that class was down the hall. He concluded with, “by the way, people sometimes refer to me as Satan, and any rumors you have heard about me—they are true.” In response: only silence and respect. Little did I know in this moment he would become one of my favorite teachers of my entire educational career. He would be responsible for innumerable kairotic moments.

A favorite of these was when I was assigned to read Dante’s Inferno for a research paper. I wasn’t really brought up in church and what little I knew of religion was from a southern Baptist “fire and brimstone” view—believe this exactly or you are going to Hell. I knew of other religions, but had no meaningful encounters with these “strangers”. There were still so many unanswered questions that destabilized my faith—things that no matter how much I reasoned just did not make sense. If God loved us so much, why would he condemn so many of us to hell? How could someone who lived a reasonably good life go to hell just because he or she believed the wrong thing? And yet how does a person who lived a horrible life go to heaven just for believing the right thing? At an early age you learn “life is not fair”. But God is not supposed to be of this world.

While reading Dante I learned the concept of purgatory and the idea of layers of hell. Those who did wrong in their life still had to repent for their sins in purgatory. Those who were relatively good people but didn’t believe in God were not doomed to the same sufferings as other non-believers that led horrible lives. It was then that I formed the idea that maybe hell was merely a place devoid of love and hope. The worse a life you led, the worse your punishment. Imagine waking up everyday for the rest of eternity not wanting to live and having no hope of anything. At its least this punishment could be very similar to life led on Earth; however this feeling could be intensified beyond anything imaginable on Earth. I can think of no worse a burden! What an interesting way to add a little fairness to eternity in a seemingly unfair system.

disclaimer: dont read this if you are hardcore christian

so ive been in a really thoughtful mood today for some reason...which actually made me really happy

first, i was thinking about church last night, and how it seemed to REALLY bother me. ive always realized i had a liberal view on christianity, but it really seemed to hit me last night more than usual. i normally try not to get too caught up in thinking too much about religion, but it was impossible not to with LITERALLY every other word being "Jesus". i accept Jesus as a prophet, but not much more. i started thinking that it is only by asking Jesus into your heart can you get to heaven?? or is it God? or is that one of those trinity things?? cause then i realized i dont even believe in that...arg. And if it's only by asking Jesus, well thats against EVERYTHING i believe. I believe there is a little something you can take from almost any religion, whether its entirely religious or more just how you should live. I do believe that there is one God.

maybe you think thats weak?? well then maybe you should question how most of the world has come to believe in (seemingly) different Gods with similar characterstics. and if you believe that is true--well then your only other option is that man invented religion out of necessity. and well, i rather prefer my view..

then i got off on thoreau who seemed to aggravate me too. I mean dont get me wrong i love the guy and i especially loved "civil disobedience" in high school and even the parts of Walden i read. But today I was reading a different part of Walden and there was this one particular paragraph that really bothered me. I really appreciate his views on nature, simplicity, and whatnot, but I think he isolated himself from the world so much as to think what happened to other people didn’t affect him.

Which then led me off into Donne and existentialism and metaphysical poetry—and essentially back around to religion (oh the irony…!). Which for the record, in my book John Donne is up there with Dante and John Milton as far as favorite religious writers. And in all seriousness, Meditation XII could be by far by favorite literary work (religious) apart from The Inferno.

But back to reality we must always unfortunately return…this week has been one of the best (Aside from Tuesday)…however my g-pa is having heart surgery tomorrow and I really hope all goes well…

Currently Reading Alphabet Of Thorn By Patricia A. McKillip see related

all things considered i'm doing just fine...

the more i live, the more i realize how much of this world revolves around love...sometimes even the lack of it.

somtimes you have to wonder if thats enough though...
(if God's love is enough to get us to heaven?  if love is even enough to cover the cost of life? why would a god so full of love allow his children to suffer so? what love truly is? is love enough to make it from day to day? is love for another worth risking?)

i dont really know the answers to anything in life, but i have come to the conclusion that life would be meaningless devoid of love.

maybe that is what hell is...i think even Dante came to this conclusion...

but alas, this is entirely too deep for just waking up...and i dont even really know where i was going with this...

anyways, something happier...

i move in t-4 days! beach tomorrow!!
ciao